Lindsay Li

val·i·da·tion

/ˌvaləˈdāSHən/

(n.) The way I dialed across an ocean / just to ask, Am I okay? Am I porcelain, perfect / enough? I was hung up on just for asking / for a dollop of vanilla extract, love, a china / cup of red ink. Genius / doesn’t fall from the tree like Newton’s apple, doesn’t roll / through his brain toward destiny. Life is / louder than a song of Scantrons / passing through the hellish maw of the English department / grading machine: name / date period, envy forming a translucent shell around the solitude / of a barren classroom, desks wiped clean. I want / to hear your brain rattling as you nod, locked inside the lullaby of vetoes that shatters / my eardrums like the cracking coating of tanghulu / against the kitchen counter, fallen from the fridge. The way / I dialed across an ocean just to count / the number of times I heard hotline / please hold spiraling through the cord wrapped around my wrist, wrapped around my neck, please / hold on for more panic calls in the future, something / more than yes no yes no yes I’m waiting for / an operator who needs me to hold on a second, miss less than I need them / to fix their customer service department. Someone to listen / to my melt down at IKEA, at the table with the little “I,” as in I / need help, hello sir, hello, please tell me / where to go in the future, as my future melts with the sugar / oozing from summer tanghulu, the tanghulu out of season, not winter- / chilly, after the rice paper and the skewer have melded / to the sour-sweet skin, as the snow that never falls in California continues / not falling, only unrequited appreciation puddling in my palms. I don’t / shop for groceries without picturing you / nodding your head while we volley one-sided debates: whether we should / get cones for ice cream, if I will / ever make a decision without asking first. I should / stop telling and start showing. SYNONYMS: / I want you to check me off / as a golden child, don’t I / love you enough already, why would you ever think / what you’ve spared me would be enough? USAGE / IN A SENTENCE: Hello, how can I help?

Lindsay Li is a Chinese American writer based in the Bay Area. In her free time, she attempts to unite history with the coming future, goes down Wikipedia rabbit holes, and writes anything that comes to mind.